Archive for Top 5 Tips for Living With Carers
The Top 5 Tips For Living With Care Workers – Tip #5
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Tip #5 – Don’t let your care package rule your life!
This is actually a bit of a paradox because if your need a care package its quality will always rule your life to some extent. However, just because it is a necessity doesn’t mean it should consume you if you can avoid it!
It would be very easy for me to spend all my time filling in timesheets, phoning round trying to cover people’s holiday leave and most of all worrying about ‘what ifs’ like people leaving, being off sick or any number of other things!
Worrying is pointless, what will be will be!
I know it’s easy to say, but it’s also true. I’ve now adopted a zero tolerance policy on worrying and it is, without doubt, the most liberating feeling I’ve ever had!
How did I do it? Well starting was simple…I accepted one fact:
The future is the result of any number of uncontrollable variables and I can’t predict it, at all.
If I can’t predict the future, why worry about it?
Chances are the things I worry about aren’t what will happen. The actual future might be worse than what I imagine, or it might be better.
AND…You’re going to love this cliché…
‘Every cloud has a silver lining’
Or as I prefer to say ‘with every adversity comes the seed of equal or greater opportunity’
I’m sorry, I appreciate you weren’t looking for a self-help book when you downloaded this report, but, this advice IS, contrary to what most of you will be thinking, entirely practical and extremely effective.
I’m not in the business of talking, excuse the expletive, shit. I will only ever write about things which I have seen work with my own eyes.
All worrying does is block the path to finding a solution to a problem, it serves no other purpose. The weird thing is, we all get a perverted enjoyment out of worrying and it’s a hard habit to kick.
Because having carers and running a care package can be very stressful it is a prime opportunity to become an obsessive worrier. The result of which will be you become a nervous wreck who gets very little, if any, enjoyment from life. I implore you; don’t let yourself end up like that!
Before you can truly stop worrying it’s necessary to understand a bit about why we do it. Worrying is a form of ’scripting’, in other words, we act out different ‘futures’ in our heads. We do it with the intention of making the actual future less scary by working out what might happen, but it tends to have the opposite effect. That’s the ‘why’; now let’s discuss the ‘how’.
We start to worry using little ‘what if’ scenarios; “what if I miss the bus?”, “what if I fail the maths exam?” The absurd thing is we always come up with the most depressing conclusions; “if I miss the bus, I’ll be late and my boss will fire me”, “if I fail the maths exam I’ll get kicked out of college”. What’s even more absurd is we then accept these possible outcomes as near definite ones and go over them again and again in our heads. In doing so we completely ignore two facts, firstly, there are other, usually more likely, possible outcomes and secondly, even in the worst case scenario, the consequences might not be as bad as we think.
The best way to stop worrying is to develop a goal orientated approach. When a problem comes up, rather than worrying about the possible outcomes, write down the following:
- A statement describing the problem.
- A list of its implications.
- The positives and negatives of each course of action you could take.
- IMPORTANT: if you can’t do anything, just accept it as inevitable and move on.
- A Statement committing you to one course of action with a deadline for its completion.
- All the things you need to do to complete that course of action (include deadlines).
All you have to do then is focus on doing the tasks you have set and you can be safe in the knowledge you’ve done everything you can, the rest is out of your hands.
Notice I’ve mentioned the use of deadlines. These are extremely important because they compel you to action. Humans are, mostly, lazy beings in that they need a good reason to bother doing anything, which is why the sensations for things like bladder control, hunger and sex are so strong. Deadlines also help foster a sense of achievement, which counteracts worrying.
In short, worrying is a ‘mugs game’.
George
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The Top 5 Tips For Living With Care Workers – Tip #4 Good Relationships
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Tip #4 – Building good working relationships
If, like me, you need a lot of support from your PAs, and even if you don’t, they will be a big part of your life and your relationships with them will have an equally big impact on it. Therefore, it is imperative you build a good rapport with them.
Understanding the best way for this rapport to work is key to running a successful care package. I would sum up the perfect relationship with a PA as being:
Friendship coupled with understanding and sustained professionalism.
It would be extremely difficult to live with PAs day in, day out, if you weren’t, to an extent, friends with them, neither of you would feel comfortable. This is why interviews and trial periods are so important because they give you a chance to determine whether you will be able to get on with prospective employees.
One of the good things about having to live with PAs is that your interpersonal skills will, almost undoubtedly, go through the roof because you’ll have to deal with people whom you wouldn’t normally associate with. I’ve learnt to get on with pretty much anyone, no matter how different we are. You may not be pleased to hear that this will take considerable effort on your part. I would strongly advise taking the time to ask new recruits questions about their life, indulge in small talk so you both become more comfortable with each other.
At all times however, it is vital you maintain a professional barrier; you don’t want employees to think their shifts are social visits. This doesn’t mean you can’t both enjoy them as if they were, but you don’t want them to come in, make themselves comfortable and act like they own the place. The best way to do this is to be blatant about mixing orders into normal conversation. So, say for example you’re chatting away to an employee about something, but you want them to get you a coffee. All you have to do is to wait until they’ve finished a sentence and remark in a strong, purposeful tone “can you get me a coffee please?” then once they respond, immediately carry on the old conversation with something like “sorry, you were saying?”
Providing this is done tactfully people actually like it because by restarting the conversation you show your interest in it. In fact, this is the second pillar of the relationship, understanding. Both you and the employee need to know what each other want out of the arrangement. One of the big hitters on an employee’s wants list, whether they admit it or not, is appreciation. If you take the time to be polite and really convey your appreciation when your PAs do things like cover an extra shift or do a bit of tidying it will go a long way to improving your relationship.
In terms of what understanding your PAs should show, there are a couple of different things. Firstly, they should recognise your predicament. If you are using Direct Payments you have a responsibility as an employer to make sure your care package is run fairly and efficiently, just like any other business. Your employees should however recognise that whilst you will do your best, you are also trying to live your life and so sometimes things slip through the net. Provided you get the important stuff, like paying people, done on time there shouldn’t really be a problem. The major issue I’ve encountered has been with me incorrectly calculating timesheets, and PAs do, understandably, get a bit irritated if you consistently pay them the wrong amount.
Secondly, your employees should understand their place in your life and do their best to fulfil their role. This involves them understanding that whilst you are more than happy to be friends with them, there are occasions when they need to ‘fade into the background’. The best way to ensure this happens is to make it clear from the very beginning, taking care to explain why it is important.
Moving on, professionalism should come as a result of friendship and understanding because you will have a mutual empathy with each other. It is your job to take into consideration each employees circumstances and therefore what is fair to ask of them. For example, if one of your employees works 40 hours a week for you, it would be unreasonable to ask them to do cover an extra 8 hours before consulting your other employee who does a 16 hour week. Obviously, this would depend on each person’s situation because the PA who does 16 hours may be a full time mum and unable to do any extra, but you see the principle.
From your PAs perspective, maintaining professionalism essentially means remembering what they are there for, in other words, working based on their understanding. They should have a constant respect for your dignity and authority as their employer and pay particular attention to make sure they don’t impede your life by having an overbearing presence.
Tomorrow I’ll conclude this series with a piece of which I really did learn from the ’school of hard knocks’!
George
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The Top 5 Tips For Living With Carers – Tip #3 Ground Rules
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Tip #3 – The importance of ground rules
This is very much linked to the points I mentioned in tip #1 about what you and your employees want from their employment. You need to have a set of common rules and processes you apply as soon as someone starts work, in order to get things off to a good start and make sure boundaries are established. So what do I mean by boundaries?
Essentially, I mean the things each of you can and cannot do. For example, you can ask a PA if they are available to work an extra shift while somebody is off sick, but you can’t demand they do so. Equally, a PA can ask if they can ‘nip down the shop to get some lunch’, but they can’t demand you let them; they should have brought some with them.
The best way to set initial ground rules is with a contract of employment. This is an essential because it protects both you and the employee legally and also sets out what you expect of each other. There is lots of legal stuff that should be in every contract covering things like holiday pay, sick leave and grievance procedures so it is definitely best to try and find a template or get someone in the know to help you write one.
One of the key parts of a contract you can do yourself is the job description. Make it as detailed as you like because the more you put in the more new recruits will know off the bat, provided they actually read it and don’t just sign it of course. One of the best ways to do it is just go through a typical day from start to finish, either in your head or on paper, and then transfer all the tasks a PA would have to do into the contract, preferably in a bulleted list.
Another key contributor to the setting of ground rules is an employee’s first day. You will need to have some sort of induction training for them, so think about the kind of things you need to say. Try and approach it like you would if you were the employee of a regular company responsible for inducting new recruits. One thing they would do is introduce the ‘new guy’ to the organisation culture or in other words, ‘the way we do things around here’. Start sentences with phrases like “this is where we…” or “when we are…we do…” because this will keep the advice practical.
One of the best things you can do, providing you have at least one PA already, is get a current employee to help you with the induction and give some training. This is really useful because they have been in the same position as the ‘new guy’ and have a better appreciation of the things they might need help with than you will. Moreover, it means if they are disastrous to start with the other person can give tips or take over for a while so the ‘new guy’ can learn by watching.
Nowadays, I always ask an existing PA to come in when a new person starts so they can shadow them. Usually, this is only for their first day, occasionally a second day as well. The other benefit to shadowing is it gives new recruits a chance to ask questions about you and the way things are done, and then you can find out the existing PAs opinion of them, which is always useful.
Another trick I’ve learnt is never to let small irritations slide. The habits people pick up when they start will stick with them and it’s hard to change them later on, so make sure you tell someone as soon as they do something wrong. This takes quite a bit of tact, but is worth it and people usually respond well as they are eager to please when they first start.
Bye for now,
George
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The Top 5 Tips for Living With Carers – Tip #2 Find Good Carers (part2)
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Tip #2 – Find Good Carers (Part2)
Always give new employees a trial period of at least 1 month
Never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, let somebody start without building a trial period into the contract. It is pretty likely that at some point you will employ somebody only to find they just don’t work. You might realise immediately or maybe after a few weeks, but if this happens you must ‘nip it in the bud’ and not let it drag out.
By giving people a trial period, it gives both you and them the right to say “this isn’t working” and walk away without any hassle. It is hard to tell somebody that, but you will have to learn to do it and it is only fair on them to do so. You may well be worried about hurting their feelings, but at the end of the day, it’s a job, they are working for you and must accept it as such.
When necessary, remind applicants you are recruiting for a paid job, not charity work
If people profess to want to be in your employment solely, or even partially, as a means to ‘help you’, ‘help people like you’ or ‘give something back’ I’d be wary of employing them for a number of reasons.
Firstly, the relationship has to remain at its heart a business transaction; emotion should not come into it. If you think that seems cold hearted, try this on for size: you are not a charity and your employees work for cold, hard, cash, not warm fuzzy feelings. Sound depressing? Well it’s true!
Why should you remember that? -Because you should never feel indebted to your employees.
Why not? -Because if you do you lose control of them and subsequently your life!
This isn’t to say your employees are not ‘allowed’ to get a sense of fulfilment out of working for you; it’s great if they do. BUT, it should not be the reason they work for you. This is because they might adopt the attitude that you should ‘be grateful’ for their help and start making it awkward for you to, for instance, ask them to take their holiday on a different date, or stop doing something a certain way.
The only exceptions are when an employee really goes out of their way to help you, then it’s important you show gratitude just like you would with anyone else, but this should never be used as ‘emotional leverage’ when it comes to issues relating to the job. Any favours they do you should be on the understanding that they are doing it for you as a friend and it won’t interfere with work.
The second problem with ‘philanthropic’ applicants is oftentimes they are just trying to look good. These people tend to be a bit prejudiced and generally don’t get what the job is about. They can still be well meaning, but for the most part probably wouldn’t make good PAs.
I once interviewed a very well meaning chap who was not only desperate to ‘help me’ but adamant he was going to do all the cooking and cleaning for my mum (who was at the interview) and just wouldn’t listen when I tried to explain he was working for me not her. I also interviewed a very kind lady who at first explained to my mum she was going to look after me ‘like I was her own child’, but then changed tack to ‘Oh no, obviously I will ignore her completely, you are my boss!’ once she had stayed quiet long enough to realise I could speak. Whilst I’m sure these two people would have been very committed, between them they showed three major flaws.
Firstly, neither can have read the job description which came with their application form, because if they had they would know not only could I speak, but I would be their boss. Secondly, the man showed an inability to listen to what he was hearing, even allowing for the fact that interviews are a stressful situation, this problem could well get in the way if I had employed him. Finally, the way the lady changed tack so abruptly suggests a degree of insincerity. Again, I understand interviews are stressful, but it is important employees admit to their mistakes. If she had said “Oh I’m sorry, I misinterpreted the situation because I’ve been very busy and haven’t had time to read the job description”, although it would have been a lame excuse, at least it would have meant her acknowledging her mistake, and besides, we all want to present ourselves in the best light at an interview, so a little ‘Wight lie’ such as that is forgivable.
When I ask myself why those two people put such an emphasis on wanting to ‘help me’ I come up with one answer: they really needed the job, were trying too hard and in doing so missed the point. It makes me a bit sad really because if they were able to better understand the situation, they may well have been very good. Unfortunately, you will find trying to train people like that is much more hassle than it is worth, often it doesn’t work and even if it does it means making do with a below par PA, and therefore a reduced quality of life, until they come up to scratch.
Ok, I think that’s enough about interviews, watch out for Tip #3 tomorrow…
George
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The Top 5 Tips for Living With Carers – Tip #2 Find Good Carers (Part1)
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Tip #2 – Find good carers
Without a doubt this is one of, if not the, most stressful parts of employing carers. It is extremely difficult to know whether someone you barely know, even after an interview, will work as an employee. Actually, I would say it is even more difficult with people you do know!
Having said that, the best way to choose a new employee is still to go about it as you would with any other job: advertise, collect application forms, interview and select. As the point of this report is to talk about actually living with carers, I won’t go into too much detail about recruitment, but I will briefly describe the general qualities and weaknesses you should look out for. It is difficult to glean these from an application form, so if you aren’t sure about somebody it is probably worth interviewing them, the main purpose of application forms is to filter out the ‘no-go’ people.
Some of the things you want to bear in mind during an interview are:
An applicant’s understanding of the job
In my experience, a lot of applicants are not sure what to expect from the job, or they have a slightly prejudice interpretation of it. This isn’t necessarily their fault, neither a reflection on their attitude to disabled people. Usually, people tend expect the role of a personal assistant to be like nursing the sick, whereas in reality it is quite different.
This tends to first become apparent either in the ‘why do you want this job?’ section of an application form or during an interview. It is sometimes possible to change people’s interpretation, but it is up to you to try to do so and, depending on the quality of the applicant, it may or may not seem worth it.
It is important that your employees have a proper understanding of their role because if they get the wrong idea it can cause lots of different problems. For instance, they need to know that you are their boss, not their patient and therefore, it is not their responsibility to make judgements (arguably unless in extreme circumstances) about the things you do.
Say you went out with some friends and wanted to get thoroughly inebriated, it would not be the place of your PA to force you to stop, provided it is legal for you to drink alcohol of course, and they should understand that. However, employees do have the right not to do anything they consider morally wrong, so they could refuse to help on those grounds, in which case you would either have to fire them, or not go drinking when they are on shift.
The best solution to this sort of problem is to employ at least one person who has similar morals to you.
Don’t assume that people with lots of experience in caring jobs will be good PAs
The truth is, this can swing either way, it really depends on what sort of caring jobs they have been in and what sort of position you are in.
Personally, most of my employees have no prior experience with caring whatsoever and they have all worked out great. That is however because I’m 18 and want at least a few people close in age to me, so it’s unlikely people that age will have had any experience. Furthermore, the majority of my care requires no nursing as such, so people can pick it up quite quickly.
Three of my employees do have prior experience caring in a combination of nursing homes, hospitals and holiday camp placements caring for disabled people. This is not the sole reason I employed any of them though, attitude, personality and, to some extent, driving licences are more important.
In the case of these three people, their prior experience made training them a lot easier. They were all aware of things like health and safety, manual handling and how to use a ceiling hoist. In some cases it can be detrimental however.
For example, people who have worked in nursing homes may find it difficult to take orders from a ‘patient’, or respect your dignity properly…actually, that’s a good point!
When you are interviewing people who have worked in care before, see if you can get them to tell you about the people they have worked with, the ‘patients’ that is. If they start blabbering about Mrs Jones from 41 Parker Street who used to soil herself and shout obscenities at passersby, you can be pretty sure they will tell people all your secrets and probably embarrass you in social situations as well!
I have to admit, I love interviewing people, particularly rubbish applicants. It’s always fun to challenge people if they say something inappropriate or don’t understand something. Obviously I’m not rude, I do it in a nice way, but it’s really satisfying to watch someone go from overtly patronising and confident to tongue-tied and nervous. In fact, that leads me to another point.
They say its ‘always the quiet ones’, well in this case the quiet and nervous ones often make good PAs because it shows they are taking the interview seriously and want to make a good impression. If an applicant is overconfident and ‘in your face’ at an interview then it’s almost certain they will be the same if you employ them and usually this isn’t what you want.
See you soon,
George
P.S. I split this tip into 2 parts because it’s quite long. Part 2 will be up tomorrow!
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The Top 5 tips for living with carers! – Tip #1
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Sorry I haven’t been posting much lately, I’ve been tied up with other work and making sure I pay attention to my relatives who’ve been visiting.
Anyway, I’m back now and I’ve got a new series of posts for you!
I wanted to add some content focused on what life is like once you’ve got the care you need…So I came up with this:
The Top 5 tips for living with carers!
Tip #1 – Find the right dynamic between you and your carers.
Getting a grip on this is the key to working well with your carers, you must understand what each of you want from the relationship and attempt to maximise mutual satisfaction. I know it sounds obvious, it’s just like any other relationship, but, you must actively take note of it because it is really important.
Firstly, let’s consider the things your employees are likely to find essential:
- Reasonable pay
- Proper training
- Clear instructions
- Honesty
- A well defined job role
- Equity with other employees
- Good organisation
- Good health and safety
Now let’s look at the things you would expect from them:
- Punctuality
- Reliability
- Honesty
- An ability to carry out the job effectively
- That they treat you with respect and dignity
These are all very compatible and oftentimes, if one party expresses a trait the other will be inclined to offer something in return. If both sides have these needs fulfilled then generally the relationship will work well. I’ll give more instruction on how to make these things happen later, now let’s look at some of the things each party would like to get from the relationship.
Generally people go for a caring job because they like helping people and want to experience the good feelings that go with that. Carers often say they:
- Get a feeling of fulfilment because they are helping someone in such a direct way
- Like the social interaction
- Like the variety of tasks
- Find the hands-on nature of caring jobs more appealing than your usual desk job or call centre work.
Employers/clients/service-users etc like to have employees they:
- Actually get on with
- Can have a laugh with
- Know will go out of their way to help them
- And perhaps most importantly, know where the boundaries are!
I use the word boundaries in a very loose sense; it can mean lots of different things and apply to lots of different situations, some of which I will explain later.
The point to note here is that they will mean different things to different people and this dictates who is a good match for whom. Therefore, it is important to weigh up whether both you and a prospective employee will get what you want from the relationship before offering them a job.
Well…that’s it for tip #1…
Auf wiedersehen,
George
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