Answer: More blood, sweat and tears than it takes to subdue an enraged grizzly bear with little other than Steve Martin jokes and a handful of Swiss cheese!…Trust me…I know…I’ve been there, got the T-shirt AND written a book about it (Seriously, no joke, I have written a book)!

HA got your attention…now read on for the full story…

“So who is this strange person?” I hear you ask.

Well, my name is George Baker and I’m a disabled student from Hampshire. I’ve spent a large chunk of my life hassling Social Services and the NHS in an attempt to get care I need to live independently.

As a result of the insane over complication and bureaucracy that is part and parcel of British health and social care I decided to write a book about it called “How To: Secure the Perfect Care Package!”

Over the course of writing it I have built up a whole bunch of useful tips and tricks and so I thought I’d share some of them with you, here goes…

Getting the perfect care package is a bit like seducing the woman of your dreams; it’s all about marketing yourself!

We could spend hours chatting about the law and guidelines and all that boring stuff, but instead I’m going to let you in on the three practical secret techniques (don’t laugh, I like ninjas ;-p) that helped me get what I’m entitled to.

Secret #1 – Work out exactly what makes you eligible

Ok, to explain this I’m going to go back to the dating example…when you’re wooing Mrs/Mr right you have to have an idea of what makes YOU attractive and have the confidence to flaunt those things, rather than your less attractive features, or you probably won’t stand out from the crowd and will get ignored.

The same principle is true for getting a care package. When you are being assessed you need to be able to specifically highlight the aspects of your disability which make you “attractive” or in other words, eligible for funding.

The way to do this is to develop an understanding of the eligibility criteria in your local area, i.e. how much provision Social Services and the like make for disabled people. For example, in some areas they provide funding for those with “Substantial needs” and in others only for those with “Critical needs”.

There are laws and “guidance documents” which lay down minimum standards by which all local authorities have to abide, but in practice, this has done little to alleviate the postcode lottery syndrome that British health and social care suffers from. It is however very important to understand these laws, as they will at least give you an idea of what you should be entitled to.

SORRY…got a bit bogged down in boring stuff then…won’t do it again I promise!

Anyway, you’re doing this detective work for the same reason you would might try and find out things about your crush before you ask them out…You want to know the right things to say…the right buttons to push…or put another way…

Secret #2 – Presentation is everything!

To illustrate this I’ll use myself as an example…compare and contrast the following paragraphs:

Paragraph A: ‘George’s care needs can be extremely intensive for sustained periods of time, he needs total assistance with washing, dressing, toileting, eating and drinking. There are, however, times when he will not need any assistance for a comparable time, as he may be using his laptop or watching television, for example’

Paragraph B: ‘George’s care needs can be extremely intensive for sustained periods of time,  as he needs total assistance with washing, dressing, toileting, eating and drinking. Although there are times when he will not need active assistance, such as when he is on his laptop, this may change at any moment should he need the toilet, a drink or even somebody to move his arm so that he can type properly’.

These are both entirely accurate descriptions of my situation; I wouldn’t dispute either of them, but, as they say, the devil is in the detail!

Assessors are taught to be very pedantic and will take any account you make entirely literally. So, if they read paragraph A and see “There are, however, times when he will not need any assistance” they would probably decide it was unnecessary for me to have a Personal Assistant present all day, whereas if they read paragraph B they would realise this is not the case.

This leads me nicely onto:

Secret #3 – Always have a plan!

Essentially, this is natural extension of the first two secrets; in fact, it’s about putting them together.

It’s a bit like the first time you talk to the object of your affection; you just have to try not to make a dick out of yourself!

The only known way to do this is to have a plan, or at least, an outline of the sort of stuff you want to say (preferably not a cheesy chat up line), which is where the stuff you learned during your reconnaissance work comes in.

The same is true for any care assessment; you need to have a rough plan in your head that details what you want to say and how you should say it. Ideally, every sentence that comes out of your mouth should have a purpose to it.

This will require you to work out how the eligibility criteria fits in with your disability…now it might seem that this is doing the assessors job for them, but you want to make sure you don’t shoot yourself in the foot by missing something out because it could have big impact on the result of the assessment.

If you follow these three secrets, they will ensure you get the help you are entitled to, it may not be enough for your needs, but at least you will have everything you can get!

I often hear a lot of people ask:

Is it worth the hassle?…believe me…IT IS!!!

Good luck,

George Baker
Your personal social care guru!

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